Back in March, I received a reading from a wonderful psychic and intuitive reader I had been drooling over for some time, and she informed me that I had a story to tell. Of course, I had a bunch of personal shit blocking that story from coming out (who doesn’t?), but since then I’ve been working on my (inner) voice.
Amusing, really, because my other moonlighting job is as the vocalist/lyricist of a metal band, and I have little problem getting that shit out. 🙂 I’m loud. Melodic, yes. But VERY loud.
So here’s a Story without a melody.
As a child, I was super intuitive. My empathic ability was too good, my intentions were a little too effective, and I was drawn to witchcraft and divination by the time I was 8. My father wasn’t surprised at all; I learned from him that psychic abilities and witchcraft actually ran in my family.
But as I made my way out of my teens and into my early twenties, I underwent a good deal of pain and fear. I watched most of my friends cope relatively well with the normal changes of independence and responsibility and even some loss, but I was “lucky” enough to experience one of those sudden shocking losses in my life when I turned 19. The next 4-5 years were a blur of bad decisions, worse relationships, escapism and aimless wandering. I probably only remember about 35% of it. As you can imagine, I quickly plummeted into a dark hole of panic attacks and constant thoughts of my own worthlessness. All of those psychic abilities I once embraced so wholeheartedly were locked up. I didn’t want to feel anything. I wanted to disappear.
Eventually, with the aid of a therapist and about a year of medication I was able to develop solutions to my mind’s masochistic tendencies. Over time, my abilities began to resurface as I began reconnecting through my craft, yoga, and tarot. As I began to really get into tarot, my intuition sky-rocketed, and my empathic senses came back (which was absolutely terrifying at first). I began to intertwine it with my interest in Psychology (an obsession I had developed in Grade School). But more importantly, I quickly realized how satisfying it felt to be able help others through their issues with the aid of these gifts and tools…and of course, my experiences.
The reason I call my business Fringe Tarot is because I like to operate on the “fringes” of psychology, eastern philosophy and whatever else I find myself into. All of my interests influence my readings. I call it Fringe Tarot because at times I’ve felt myself hovering on the “fringes” of sanity or reality and am still here. Because I know what it’s like to question EVERYthing, to give up, and somehow find the will to bring myself back to self-belief; self-empowerment. And if you don’t believe that YOU have any power, well…nobody’s gonna hand it to you.
I also don’t think my tarot readings will appeal to the average casual querent. I will never claim to be a fortune teller, but more of an Objective Empath (still working on a title. Spiritual Counselor doesn’t fit. Tarot Advisor? Meh, who needs titles anyway?). I’ll gladly look into the near future for guidance, but I will likely want to delve deeper to see what we can learn from it, and how to best take advantage of the possibilities ahead.
The term fringe denotes an edge. It relates to my propensity toward shadow work, bangs, really heavy music, and the amount of times I swear during my readings. Get it? Cuz’ I’m so edgy. 😉
Look, I’m not a therapist, but I know the power of reflection and perspective. If nothing else, perhaps I can serve as a starting point for those looking to change. Or maybe I can help shift their thinking just enough to bring some clarity to their lives. Or maybe, I can just nod and say, “I feel you,” and mean it.